[BREAKING—Urgent report from eight hundred li away! General Tofu, check the hot search #1 immediately!!]
[URGENT REPORT URGENT REPORT URGENT REPORT!!]
[Urgent report from the front lines! What is General Tofu doing?? General Tofu is still farming the jungle!]
[Eunuch Tofu, this is bad! The hot search is about to explode!]
Tofu, who was streaming on Little Shark: “?”
“Don’t panic. I know you’re all in a hurry, but don’t panic yet. What are you even talking about?”
Tofu glanced at the bizarre barrage of comments. They were going completely insane. “…Where did all these eunuchs spreading fake news come from? How many times do I have to say it? An ‘urgent report from the front lines’ means there has to be news about PNG!”
And he knew that PNG hadn’t had the slightest bit of news these past few days, nor had they started a stream on Little Shark.
So what kind of urgent report could there possibly be from the front lines?
The second team recruiting new players?
Another promising rookie joining the academy?
Tofu smiled with three parts ferocity, three parts insanity, and three parts melancholy. What did any of this have to do with a Wind fan like him who went around eating cabbages everywhere? Hehehe…
As he spoke, he glanced at his screen. His pitiful Soul-Piercing Spear had been surrounded and beaten to death under the tower by three people.
His score had successfully reached 0/3/0.
Tofu took a deep breath.
—Goddammit, what kind of champion was Mior playing?!
Could anyone actually play this thing?!
There was absolutely no room to deal damage and nowhere to survive!
Mior had clearly played it like a fish in water during the finals, so why was it such a struggle when Tofu picked it up for ranked?!
He might as well just give himself a knife!
Tofu roared inwardly. After previously believing the analysis from the marketing accounts, he had thought that the Soul-Piercing Spear was a shoo-in for the marksman’s championship skin. He himself really wasn’t very good at playing the champion, so whenever he had time during his recent streams, he kept picking it to practice. And promptly went on an effortless eight-game losing streak.
If he weren’t streaming, his main account probably would have been reported for intentionally losing games by now.
Drink Diamond Nut Coffee: (Team) @Clear-Soup Mapo Tofu, can you stop feeding, marksman?
Tofu clicked his tongue, put both hands on the keyboard, and started playing as if he were performing a piano piece, while also chatting with the barrage. “So damn annoying! It’s all because of these low-level military advisors in the comments. They’ve messed me up so badly I don’t even know how to play anymore!”
“Fuck, which commenter taught you to buy a pair of Boots + five Long Swords on Soul-Piercing Spear in the early game and call that a six-item build?! What kind of combat power does that give you? Finished items have better stats than components. Don’t you guys understand such a basic principle?”
He stubbornly held his chin up and refused to admit he was wrong. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the items on his own mid laner, Stellar Sprite. Just as expected, there was another Long Sword mixed in among a pile of magic items.
Then he took another look at the mid-lane matchup. His side had been suppressed from beginning to end. They couldn’t push the wave, couldn’t win a solo fight, and even the thing Aeria was most proud of in the early game—her ability to quickly rotate for numbers advantages and launch unexpected attacks in the jungle—was consistently one step slower than the opponent.
With the hype surrounding PNG’s championship victory at its peak, quite a few players had recently started using the “championship lineup” in ranked games. They weren’t just copying the picks and bans or the champions—they were even copying the item-buying order from actual matches.
…Naturally, the results generally weren’t very good.
Most players didn’t understand the champions or the matches deeply enough, and therefore couldn’t understand the reasoning behind the pros’ decisions regarding certain itemization details.
Tofu smiled faintly. “Which military advisor taught you guys this build? Both carries bringing six Long Swords? Are you practicing the Six-Meridian Divine Sword?”
“Bro, I’ve been tower-dived three times. The military advisors in the comments are seriously terrible!”
[? Damn, this eunuch from the Tofu clan is actually shamelessly twisting the truth?!]
[LMAO, Son Xuxu and Feng-bao both built like this. Do you have a problem with that?]
[This Eunuch Tofu is just bad at the game!!]
[?? Less than a minute has passed and the streamer’s rank has already dropped from general to eunuch?]
[Useless Tofu, you’re not even looking at the hot search. What are you living for? (Angry soyTofu)]
Tofu sighed. “Fine, fine, I’ll look! If we lose this game because I’m intentionally dropping rank, it’s on you guys! If you’re going to make false military reports, drag every single one of them out—”
He calmly took a sip of milk tea and logged onto Weibo. As expected, the site was terribly optimized and took forever to load.
Once the hot-search rankings finally finished loading, Tofu raised an eyebrow and moved his mouse over #Patek Philippe Global Brand Ambassador# (Explosive).
The brand name was thunderous enough that everyone had heard of it.
Tofu had browsed its official website before. He’d casually clicked on a product description, and the price tag alone had completely reshaped his worldview.
But—
“Do the military advisors in the comments like celebrity news now?”
This time, Tofu was genuinely confused. He scratched his head and muttered, “Where’s the urgent report? What does this watch have to do with me? I can’t afford it.”
[Damn you, Eunuch Tofu, can’t you just click on it and look??]
[…Just came back from the hot search. Front-row reminder: DON’T DRINK ANYTHING!!]
[Just came back +1. This is going to shock me and my mom for a hundred years.]
[Uh… your mother too…??]
[ Someone was stunned by how handsome a certain someone is. After another round of explaining his honors, congratulations to someone’s treasure for gaining another genuine mom-fan +1. (Funny)]
[Goddammit, this Tofu is taking forever! I’m dying of impatience!! The #1 hot search really IS the urgent report! Why won’t he believe us?!]
“You guys haven’t exactly been short on falsely reporting imperial decrees…”
Tofu didn’t think much of it. He took another sip of milk tea and casually clicked his mouse. “Let me see…”
“Pffft—!!”
…Why does this Brand Ambassador look so damn familiar?!
Tofu completely lost his composure. The sip of milk tea he had just taken sprayed all over his screen!
He hurriedly dragged over a pack of wet wipes and frantically wiped down the monitor, staring wide-eyed as he did so. “Holy shit. Holy shit??”
After cleaning it, he turned around as though he had just seen a ghost, squeezed his eyes shut, then viciously opened them again and slowly turned back—
Only to find himself staring straight at Sui Ning’s poster.
Meeting those misty eyes beneath the dim lighting, Tofu wore a completely dumbfounded expression.
Tofu slowly opened his mouth. “Gah?”
The barrage had already gone completely insane with laughter:
[Eunuch Tofu, why aren’t you saying anything??]
[I’m dying LMAO. Every Glory streamer who saw the hot search today had exactly this reaction hahahahaha]
[Xu Zhi was so shocked he literally used his gaming chair to do a backflip. Can you believe it? His teammates were completely dumbfounded hahahaha]
[The whole FR base was just going “Aba aba aba” hahahaha]
[ I’m dead. Coach Da Ju happened to walk past and just stood there with his mouth hanging open like a stunned dog.]
[ The conversation afterward was even better. Da Ju: “You little brat, you actually have this in you?? Not bad. You can still make a living performing even after retiring. Hahahaha—gah gah!”]
[Chao Mi and Qing Ci were hilarious too hahahaha. They thought this was some holiday prank—only to realize there isn’t even a holiday today hahahaha]
[What about the three wealthy brothers??]
[ Those teams already have tons of commercial deals, so they probably weren’t as shocked! Though Brother Amor might be feeling a little regretful…]
[?? What do you mean?]
[Two days ago, someone asked God A if he would support his little brother Erllit if a PNG player got a commercial collaboration. He said he would.]
[Now PNG has its first commercial deal, and Feng-bao’s featured product has an official price of 4.5 million. Fans are guessing PNG has landed a bunch of high-end commercial deals, and now they’re egging God A on to boost his little brother’s sales hahahaha]
Seeing this, some fans who loved gossiping couldn’t hold themselves back and quietly slipped into Cheng Wensheng’s livestream.
They happened to arrive just as the barrage was egging him on, and the first thing they heard upon entering was a devastating opening line:
“I don’t have a little brother.”
Cheng Wensheng curled his lips and said calmly, “Erllit? Don’t know him.”
As he spoke, he opened Cheng Su’s livestream without changing his expression and, while staring at the black screen, gifted him a small fish-ball gift pack worth 4.5 yuan.
Fans: …?
Fans: .
They hadn’t misread it. The amount spent really was 4.5 yuan.
The original price was six yuan, but after combining the VIP discount with a one-yuan coupon, the total came to 4.5 yuan.
The fans who had been laughing so hard they were practically falling over finally couldn’t take it anymore. “Help, Brother Cheng—HAHAHAHA, you really are his biological older brother!!”
The money Cheng Wensheng had earned during his years in the HPL was more than enough to make him the young CEO of some other novel, so his fans had never imagined that this overbearing CEO’s way of showing support would be so pure and unpretentious!!
He had actually used a coupon. It was even cheaper than the six-yuan first-time recharge in a game. Seriously, he was making them cry!!
[????]
[Holy shit, your brotherly love is seriously this fake? PNG hasn’t even announced what product Brother Su is endorsing yet!!]
[I’m dying. Brother Cheng: “4.5 yuan to show some support. 45 yuan and I might consider it. 4.5 million? I’m out, I’m out.”]
[Saying the most cowardly things with the most serious and handsome face hahahaha]
[ I’ve already come up with the excuse for Brother Cheng: “It’s not that our family doesn’t have the money. Money has to be spent where it counts, right, little brother? Here, take these ten yuan from your big brother as pocket money. Spend it however you want. Don’t say your big brother doesn’t love you!!”]
[Su-bao: WDNMD]
[Is this what the legendary, earth-shattering brotherly love of a wealthy family looks like?]
[?? Wait a second, wrong drama! Why did we suddenly enter the upper-class wealthy-family channel?]
[How does an esports powerhouse club not count as a wealthy family?? Go into their academy for a few days of rookie training and, after rounding up, you’ve basically married into a wealthy family. (Funny)]
[Does anyone still remember that HPL once had four powerhouse “wealthy families,” until one day… (Funny)]
[New moneybags President P gives an evil smile: “It’s getting cold. Let the T family, N family, and H family go bankrupt…”]
[? So no one remembers the fourth wealthy family anymore. People don’t even include them in the jokes. They’re so pitiful. I’m crying!]
TL Base.
Several players, along with the coach, were laughing. Jiang Hao was the most outrageous, laughing so hard he was practically doubled over on the floor.
Cheng Wensheng ignored them completely and opened his phone, which had just vibrated twice.
Cheng Su had added him back as a friend. Cheng Wensheng, without the slightest annoyance at all, changed his contact name to “Little Idiot,” displaying the full extent of their brotherly affection.
[Little Idiot]: Heh heh.
[Little Idiot]: There really is a product I need you to help promote.
[Heard the Sound in the Woods]: ?
[Little Idiot]: Twin Feathers, starring me. Remember to help boost its celebrity popularity. If it doesn’t reach number one, I have no idea what I’ll do when I go home for New Year’s.
[Heard the Sound in the Woods]: ???
Cheng Wensheng raised his eyebrows. This time, he was genuinely surprised.
—This brat starred in a TV drama?
Why hadn’t there been even the slightest bit of news?
And besides, how could filming a TV drama happen so quickly?
Ignoring his little brother’s childish threats, Cheng Wensheng pondered for a moment before starting to investigate this Twin Feathers situation.
Soon, the coach relayed the information he had obtained by threatening Chen Chen to Cheng Wensheng:
Cheng Su was the competitive-game stand-in for the second male lead in the TV drama.
To put it bluntly, he was a substitute.
Most movies and TV dramas didn’t even need a position like this.
But this was an esports drama, primarily filmed around matches, keyboards, and mice. The person playing the games was essentially the lead actor’s on-screen performance double.
Cheng Wensheng: …
For once, he was stunned. His expression gradually changed from complicated to sympathetic.
Apparently, PNG’s top laner loved playing turrets; their jungler didn’t even have a driver’s license but had been talking about racing sports cars; their mid laner had simply changed clothes and gone straight to pursue a career in the entertainment industry next door; their marksman seemed to be getting involved in all sorts of antics too. And now it was his useless little brother’s turn. After spending so long choosing a commercial opportunity, he had ended up acting as a gameplay double…
Cheng Wensheng was silent for a long while before transferring 250 yuan to his little brother, with the note: [Be nicer to yourself].
Cheng Su: …
Lin Zhaoxu cautiously peeked over, unable to suppress his curiosity. “Isn’t 520 usually what people transfer? Why 250? Is your brother insulting you?”
Cheng Su said nothing, a quiet murderous aura surging in his eyes.
Chen Chen was standing not far away. In the coaches’ group chat, he sighed emotionally, “Erllit is still the most hardworking one. He’s filming as a game double while playing ranked, and he can even open custom training sessions. Seriously, I’m gonna cry!”
The other coaches: …
Chen Chen pretended to be troubled. “Wind? I don’t even know what’s going on with him. Sigh, there are too many commercial offers he can’t turn down, and there are also so many people asking him to film dramas and variety shows. The people behind them are too influential. There’s nothing we can do. We can only get the boss involved…I even told Sun Wei not to mess around. His dream is to become a World Champion, not a movie star. Just let him appear on a variety show for selecting trainees or something. That should be enough…”
Sui Ning, who had just finished working and happened to be walking past: …?
He silently glanced at the coach, wanting to say something but ultimately saying nothing.
The coaches: Endure.
Chen Chen continued boasting happily, sending one 60-second voice message after another. “Cloud doesn’t have a driver’s license? Yeah, I just found out too. Oh, this little prodigy is so young! He only recently became an adult, and he’s been busy competing all the time, so he never had time to learn!”
In the coaches’ group chat, Tang Yu was the first to lose patience. He turned off his screen and turned toward his players. “Who else hasn’t gotten their driver’s license? I’ll register every single one of you for lessons!”
Players: ?
Coach Da Ju, lurking silently in the group, sent over a Xu Zhi backflip GIF.
[Da Ju]: @PNG Dark Emperor, our Reling has already shown us a little something. Let’s see what you’ve got?
Chen Chen chuckled and prepared to retaliate with his treasured Sui-style idol dance.
Sui Ning suddenly felt an icy chill shoot up his spine.
He abruptly turned around, immediately identifying the source of that chill. It was his own coach— and his phone!
Sui Ning’s heart tightened, and he immediately called out, “Coach!”
Chen Chen froze. “Hm?”
“…Uh, there are still a few things about the variety-show contract that I don’t quite understand…”
“Oh, that? You’re just a special guest. Don’t be nervous.” Chen Chen didn’t think much of it, his fingertip about to hit Send. “The program will contact you when the time comes.”
Sui Ning stared intently at his finger, his ominous premonition growing stronger and stronger.
He pursed his lips, then suddenly said in an unusually vulnerable tone, “About my previous experience in the entertainment industry…”
He paused. “…I’m a little nervous.”
Hearing this, Chen Chen’s heart tightened. He immediately put down his phone and began giving his team’s precious diamond cabbage some psychological counseling—
Before Sui Ning had made a name for himself in the HPL, he had been viciously attacked online by fans of several celebrities. It had been practically indistinguishable from cyberbullying. Chen Chen genuinely worried that the kid might have been left with some psychological trauma!
Seeing this, Sui Ning silently breathed a sigh of relief.
…As it turned out, his greatest psychological trauma wasn’t outside. It was right here in this team. Right inside his coach’s phone!
The enemy was within the temple itself!
Sui Ning: Great. Another day of outsmarting and outmaneuvering my coach. (Weak smile.)
——
While Chen Chen was frantically showing off, over at NAVIC, Coach Pan Pan was sighing heavily as he carefully tended to the precious few strands of hair he had left, completely too busy to check the group chat.
Pei Xingyi narrowed his eyes and carefully examined something using his excellent eyesight. Then, with a grave expression, he walked over to his teammates and lowered his voice. “…Our guess was correct. It’s gotten worse.”
“Hiss—”
Several sharp gasps immediately followed.
Jiang Yin looked worried. He, too, furtively lowered his voice and asked, “Then what do we do? You mean this?”
He gestured toward his own hair. “—It’s difficult to treat!”
Zou Jiayou pursed his lips, his expression solemn. “Even if it’s difficult, we have to find a way. Coach has helped us so much. If it weren’t for him…”
NAVIC might have fallen apart by the end of the spring season.
\Without him, there would have been no miracle comeback that lifted NAVIC from the bottom of the summer split, let alone their hard-fought journey to the World Championship—
And that was precisely why they wanted to do something to give back to their coach.
Usually, in a situation like this, the best choice was naturally to give the other person a gift they desperately needed.
As for what Coach Pan Pan “desperately needed”…Well…
Zou Jiayou fell into deep thought.
Jiang Yin and Pei Xingyi also fell into deep thought.
They began frantically going through every middle-aged person they had ever known in their lives, wondering if any of them had experienced a similar problem.
Had any of them already found some secret remedy that had “solved the problem”?
…This seemed like a rather advanced question for these young men.
Bian Cheng looked at them, then turned his head toward Meng Xiyue.
Meng Xiyue also furrowed her brows slightly, seemingly deep in thought.
The moon that guided NAVIC along its path had encountered a problem beyond its power to solve…
Bian Cheng: .
So why were they all hiding together in a corner of the base like thieves, secretly discussing their coach’s hair loss problem???
——
While the various team bases were putting on their own entertaining little dramas, Tofu’s expression was changing like a color palette and was no less spectacular.
Tofu: …
“No, wait, wait a second!”
he barrage was scrolling so quickly that Tofu felt dizzy after just a couple of glances.
It took him several minutes to sort out what was happening. He hurriedly dragged the conversation back to the main point, trembling as he pointed at the screen. “—Can someone explain this to me?”
He used his finger instead of the mouse, poking repeatedly at the hot-search title: Patek Philippe Global Brand Ambassador.
Then he poked at the name underneath it: Sui Ning, PNG_Wind.
“Hold on,” Tofu’s tongue seemed to tie itself into knots as he spoke incoherently. “Our baby hasn’t had any news lately, and it turns out he’s been secretly doing something huge behind our backs?!”
[I’m dying. Eunuch Tofu is probably the last shocked person on the entire internet to find out.]
[ I was just as shocked when I saw it. I knew the people next door had been arguing over this lately, but I never imagined Feng-bao would actually be the one to win it. (Funny)]
[This is beyond ridiculous. This is the real definition of ridiculous.】
[Feng-bao: Once you ignored me, but now you’re too far beneath me to reach! Entertainment industry, your Wind is back!!]
[??? Wait, wait, baby, calm down. Don’t rush back yet! We’re still waiting for the Olympics and your title defense, okay?? What happened to the promised two-year double championship?]
[ I’m dying. He didn’t even need two years. Feng-bao has already won championships in two different fields.]
[???]
[Go check @Weibo Entertainment Celebrity Index! I laughed so hard my face mask cracked! LMAOOOO]
Egged on by the barrage, Tofu also opened the index list in a daze.
As the title suggested, Weibo in this parallel world had its own algorithm that automatically filtered performers who fell under the category of “entertainment celebrities” and included them in the rankings.
The index took into account factors such as topic discussions, number of tags, industry resources, follower count, popularity, and so on. In short, it was a ranking that fluctuated dramatically from day to day. The person ranked No. 1 each day would receive a 24-hour profile-frame reward.
Fans who followed celebrities affectionately called it the “Little Crown.”
Previously, esports players had always belonged to the broader category of “sports and competitive athletics” and therefore didn’t participate in this ranking. Some veteran stars and established celebrities weren’t particularly interested in it either, so the people usually fighting over the Little Crown were newly emerging traffic stars.
Tofu roughly figured out what this strange ranking was about, then obediently followed the barrage’s directions and opened the rankings—
[Today’s Entertainment Celebrity Index]
1. Sui Ning — Index: 7,293,468,468
2. Xu Meng — Index: 968,784,138
3. Qian Sheng — Index: 967,511,043
……
“…??”
Tofu’s vision went black.
Okay. Very good. He had left second place in the dust by a massive margin.
Should anyone really have expected anything less from Feng-bao? Even after crossing into an entirely different field, he could still pull off this kind of Wind-style first place. This was so very Wind.
Even the name of the person in second place seemed vaguely familiar, giving people an inexplicable sense of satisfaction at seeing someone get slapped in the face even if they didn’t actually know who they were.
But…
This damn thing isn’t the national-server champion points ranking!!
Tofu roared inwardly as he dragged the mouse back and forth between the different category rankings, switching between Entertainment Celebrities and Sports & Competitive Athletics. The person ranked No. 1 today was still Sui Ning.
He looked at it again and again. Sometimes he grinned foolishly, and other times his expression darkened as though he were plotting something.
[?? Tofu, are you dead??]
Tofu hissed. After a long while, he finally spoke slowly, his expression incredibly complicated. “To be honest, right now… I’m a little happy, and a little unhappy.”
The reason he was happy was simple. This bizarre double championship across completely different fields was actually kind of interesting.
But the reason he was unhappy…
—Why the hell did our Feng-bao suddenly become an entertainment celebrity??
Can you people please understand what category he belongs in?
What were they doing? Was the entertainment industry trying to steal their player?!
He had finally found his way back after getting lost, so what the hell was the entertainment industry next door trying to do?!
If they really managed to lure Feng-bao back, Tofu swore that he would be enemies with the entertainment industry for life!
Tofu viciously ran through various domineering CEO quotes in his head.
Meanwhile, the person in second place—the one who had given Tofu that vague sense of familiarity—was experiencing a similar darkness before his eyes. He gritted his teeth tightly and grabbed his assistant’s arm with his right hand, his nails digging deeply into the flesh and leaving obvious crescent-shaped marks.
The assistant’s arm throbbed with excruciating pain. He grimaced, but firmly bit down on his lower lip, not daring to cry out.
The entire interior of the van was deathly silent.
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