She Become Sweet and Cuddly : Chapter 44

April 25, 2020 Oyen 31 Comments

Bonus Ko-fi chapter, enjoy your reading~ 2 more chapters until the flashback concludes. Stay tuned~
Chapter 44
translator&editor: Oyen

He just stood stiffly in place, but didn’t say anything. It took him a while to let the door open. Lin Qingqing pulled her luggage and went out.

She moved into the dormitory, formally applied to resume classes, and rarely returned. However, Yi Zeyan often came to see her, sometimes alone, sometimes with the child, and every time he came, he would buy her a lot of things, example food, clothes, jewelry, and a lot of other things. She refused many times but he still wanted to give them away. She had no choice but to accept them. The food was given to the people in the dormitory, and the clothes and jewelry were given to her elder sister.

She was afraid that people would know about his relationship with Yi Zeyan, so she was in his car every time they met, and then he would ask people to drive around the school, but even so, there was a rumor about her in the school that she was kept by a man, but Lin Qingqing didn't care.

As the days went by, she kept herself busy. She didn't want to see him and the child, so she avoided every time he came to her.

That night she came back from the library and walked through a grove where there was no one. The quiet environment calmed her heart, she sat down and took out a cigarette.

Just after a puff, a hand reached out and unceremoniously took it away from her. She looked up and saw the tall man standing beside her, not looking very well.

"Why are you here?"

“When did you start?”

“It's none of your business.”

Lin Qingqing turned and left. However, as soon as she turned around, her wrist was caught. She heard the man said. "Today is Xiao Yuan's first birthday. Don't you go back to accompany him?"

One year old… the time flew quickly.

The child was already one year old, but he hadn’t convinced yet and still didn't want to divorce her.

Lin Qingqing shook off his hand, did not look back. "I already said, he has nothing to do with me. He is your child, not mine."

As the sound died away, the man behind suddenly hugged her. Lin Qingqing smelled a smell of wine on him.

The heat of his body and the smell of his wine came to her in an instant. Lin Qingqing only felt that she was suffocating. She felt like she had been stabbed. Breaking away from him and she stepped back. She frowned and looked at him with a scowl. "What are you doing? Why hug me?"

He came towards her step by step. A steady and majestic man, his aura could not cover even in the night. However, he replied in a hoarse, pleading voice. "Qingqing, I miss you very much. I really miss you very much."

Lin Qingqing turned around and didn't want to see his expression. "Leave, I don't want to see you again." She hurriedly went away, and also didn’t know what happened to him later.

Since then, she avoided him, didn't want to see him, didn't want to see the child, and she almost never went back to that home. She graduated in a twinkling of an eye and had no plans to go to graduate school. After graduation, she began to look for a job.

However, it was not easy to find a job. For a month, she had almost run into a wall.

On that day, she came out of a small studio, but failed the interview. She went to the interview without breakfast. When she came out, she was so hungry that she bought a sandwich at a nearby bakery.

There was a building opposite the bakery, with a large LED screen upstairs. The news was being broadcast on the big screen. Yicheng group had completed a new round of acquisition plan and formally entered the film and television industry.

At the ribbon-cutting ceremony, the man was surrounded by the red carpet, and he was followed by countless elites, but he was still so dazzling when walking among a group of elites.

The representative of the film and television company he cooperated with was walking beside him. She was a woman with a high ponytail, a suit and high-heeled shoes, looking capable and high quality.

Both of them walked side by side on the red carpet, Yi Zeyan finished cutting the ribbon, then took a photo together.

Looking at the man across a screen Lin Qingqing felt that she seemed to cross a galaxy. The man was her husband, he was so excellent, really good.

The person standing beside him should be like that woman who could match him equally.

Only an equally good woman could be worthy of Yi Zeyan.

Lin Qingqing returned to her elder sister's house. For several days in a row, she had been working on her resume. Most of them had fallen into the sea, but several replies asked her to be a serving tea girl.

It was really hard for art students to find jobs in their related majors, unless she was very outstanding, and Lin Qingqing, who changed to another major, was not an outstanding one at all, so it was very difficult to find a job.

That day Lin Qingqing was sending her resume when her sister came up and told her that Yi Zeyan had come looking for her.

"He said he would not leave until he saw you."

She had avoided him several times, and this time she might not be able to avoid it.

Sure enough, Yi Zeyan was in the living room when Lin Qingqing went downstairs. Seeing her coming down, he just said. “Come with me to a place.”

“Where to?”

"You'll know when you go."

Thinking about it, Lin Qingqing finally went with him. The car drove to the new district, and he took her to a new business real estate.

Looking at the words 'Qingqing Studio' in front of her, Lin Qingqing looked at him with a puzzled face. Yi Zeyan asked someone to open the door, and both of them went in one after another.

"This is the studio I prepared for you. You don't need to find a job anymore. I can help you if the studio needs to recruit people later."

This was a large music studio, with two floors. But at present, there was only one floor with equipment. Taking a look at it, these equipment were very advanced and many were imported from abroad.

He gave her a studio.

When she was in despair, he took such a studio to her eyes and told her, Lin Qingqing, you don’t need to ask for a job anymore, you can be your own boss.

She knew that he was always making her happy, no matter how she refused or how she despised what he gave her, but he was still tireless, holding up what she needed and what she liked to come to her.

Just like now.

After being rejected by countless people and her heart was gloomy at the moment, he gave her such a gift.

It was impossible to say that she had no feelings, she even wanted to cry.

Yi Zeyan, why are you doing this? Why?

I'm not worth it at all! You deserve better, I'm not the one you should be with.

Enduring her tears and adjusting her breath, she turned to face him. She picked up a chair and smashed the mirror of the recording studio with no expression. Then she smiled at him with an indifferent face. "Mr. Yi, I don't need your kindness."

Just like before, she trampled his kindness to the ground again.

She thought he would be angry. She trampled on his kindness, he should be disappointed. He should be disappointed no matter how, his kindness had been trampled over and over again.

However, he just looked at the smashed glass with a lifeless gaze, just like every time before when she refused his kindness, his gaze dimmed and his expression was faintly lost.

"Where is not to your liking? I'll redo it."

Lin Qingqing was about to crumble, because of her cruelty, on account of her pity, she was really about to crumble.

"You know, Yi Zeyan, I don't love you at all, you make me sick, you make me sick, make me sick! I don't want your things either. Do you understand?" She choked up and felt sour on her nose. "So, divorce me as soon as possible, alright?"

"Five years have not yet passed."

She didn’t dare to talk and face him anymore. She was really afraid that she would collapse. Bending over, she kept calming herself down until her mood was almost recovered, then answered.  "I'm leaving. Don't come to me later."

However, he grabbed her hand. "Will you go back with me? Go back and live with us. The child can walk and call people now. Will you go back and see him?"

Lin Qingqing wanted to shake off his hand, to run away quickly, to be more cruel to him, but in the end she didn't do anything, and went back with him.

Xiao Yuan really already could walk, even could call her with unclear articulation.

“Ma ma, ma ma, ma ma.”

He was so cute, with big eyes, chubby, white and tender. She wanted to hold him every time she saw him. But she knew that she would leave one day. It was better for him not to like her mother than to let him and her raise any affection, reluctant to be apart. 

Telling herself, she was a bad person and she didn't deserve to have children.

Therefore, she avoided him and did not want him to be close, and he was very obedient. He would be far away from her, but where he could see her, played with his toys, and then sometimes looked up and sweetly called her "Ma ma."

The job hunt didn't go smoothly. She started to compose her own music and submit it. However, each time she submitted, she was rejected. She couldn't sing anymore and didn't have any work. Her talents were not appreciated. Was she really couldn’t accomplish anything without Yi Zeyan?

How could she catch up with him? His company was getting bigger now. He had become a popular figure in Beicheng, and became the best young entrepreneur. He had gone further and further, but she was standing still.

She couldn't catch up with him, maybe she wouldn't be able to catch up with him for the rest of her life.

Looking at the rejection papers scattered all over the floor, she really felt very weak. This kind of powerlessness drove her to suffocate. She got addicted to drinking and also liked the feeling of being paralyzed by alcohol. However, she always hid in the room to drink alone, didn't want to be seen by the child, and didn't want to smoke to hurt the child's bodies, so she hid and was always depressed by herself.

However, on that day, he pushed open her door. She had drunk a lot of wine and was a little dizzy. She saw that little boy come to her step by step.

“Ma ma, ma ma don’t cry, ma ma, Xiao Yuan love ma ma.”

With unclear articulation, he came to her, and then he held out his fleshy little hand to wipe her tears.

Lin Qingqing didn't want him to see her like this, and she wanted to push him away, but she forgot that she still had a cigarette in her hand, and she was dizzy after drinking, and with a shake of her hand, the cigarette ash fell on his arm.

It was too late when Lin Qingqing realized it, his hand was scarred and it hurt so much that he burst into tears.

Looking at the scar on his arm, she collapsed in an instant. She was flustered and at a loss. She felt heartache to his cry, but she didn’t know what to do.

Hearing this sound, Yi Zeyan rushed in, he was also frightened by the sight. However, he was very calm, then told Hui Yi to send the child to the hospital, and he left Lin Qingqing to calm down.

The child was carried out, and Lin Qingqing sat down on the ground. She blamed herself and was in pain. She lowered her head and cried so much that she was almost out of breath.

Yi Zeyan crouched beside her, he reached out his hand to appease her, but he hesitated and finally patted her on the back. "It's alright," he reassured.

It's alright-- how could it be alright? He cried so sadly, he was still so young.

Lin Qingqing saw that the cigarette butt on the ground had not been extinguished. She picked up the cigarette butt and poked it directly into her arm. However, seeing her motive, Yi Zeyan grabbed her hand while she was moving. Her movements were swung, and the cigarette butt was on his chest.

He wore a Polo shirt and was very thin. The cigarette butt made a hole in his shirt and burned it all the way to his flesh.

Hearing him groan, she became angry, pushed him away and asked him. "What are you doing?"

"What are you doing?" He asked back.

Taking off his clothes, he patted the place where he had been scalded a few times with his hand, and patted off the ashes that had been scalded into the flesh.

"Yi Zeyan! Why are you doing this? Why are you not divorcing me?!!!" Looking at the wound on his chest, she screamed and shouted at him. "So, are you satisfied?! Why did you keep a woman like me at home? Why?!"

Unlike her stirred up emotion, unlike her emotional breakdown, he sat down calmly by the bed. He looked at the wound on his chest and smiled softly, without blaming or even taking it seriously.

"Why am I doing this..." He looked at her gently. "Remember when we first met? At that time, I was seriously injured. I had a closed rib fracture and formed a pneumothorax. Although I had an operation, I did not recover well. My lungs were inflamed, and the condition became more serious. After the doctor came to check up that night, I was sure that I might not survive. The doctor gave up on me, and the man who will follow me to death gave up on me, and my mother gave up on me. Everyone thinks I can't hold on, even if I feel too painful, I can't hold on. Do you know what I thought at that moment? I think it's better to die like this, what's the point of living? The first half of my life has been spent in the struggle for power and profits, for the sake of profits, even father and son can turn against each other. Since I was a child, I was taught to be a machine for power and wealth. I only lived for power and wealth all my life. I used to be full of blood and longing for fame, wealth and power, but at that moment, I was tired. That kind of life was so bitter and tiring that it was so meaningless that I even gave up myself at that time..."

"But there was a person, there was a little girl thousands of miles away from me, but she had not given up on me. When I was in the most difficult time, people around me thought to give up on me and left me, but she called me. On the phone, she had always encouraged me. She sang songs for me and sang many songs. Her voice is really beautiful. She also told me that there were many delicious and interesting things in the world. When I am healthy, she will take me there. She cried and begged me not to die, begging me over and over again, singing to me over and over again. At that moment, I found that life was so beautiful except for the struggle for power and profits. There were also such kind and lovely people in this world. At the moment when I was about to give up and go to deep sleep, I suddenly had the consciousness to live. I wanted to live. I wanted to find the delicious and fun places she told me. I wanted to find her."

His eyes reddened and his voice was changed. "It was her who made me like this selfless and ruthless world. It was her who accompanied me through the most difficult dark hours of life. It was her who brought me back to life. My life, she gave it to me, and I only wanted to live for her the rest of my life."

"Why am I doing this, do you understand now?"

Standing up, he walked over to her. "Qingqing, I can do anything for you."

Lin Qingqing had been crying for a long time, she stepped back step by step, shaking her head and replied. "But, I have no voice, my good voice has been ruined, you can no longer hear me singing."

"It doesn't matter. I don't care."

"I am no longer that kind Lin Qingqing, everything has changed, I am no longer that beautiful little girl. I have become very terrible, really terrible, now, all the students in the school are afraid of me when they see me, no one dares to provoke me, because as long as someone messes with me, as long as there is a little wrong they do to me, I will do whatever it takes to retaliate back, I become very bad, even I am afraid of myself. So Yi Zeyan, everything is different. I have nothing left. I can't go back."

He walked over and held her shoulder. "I'll make you better, trust me, okay?"

She pushed his hand away and shook her head. "It's no use. I've already drawn a circle on the ground as a prison. I can't get out."

"Qingqing ..." He called her softly.

"You go out, you go out! I want to be alone, you go out."

At last he said nothing more, and turned away.

Lin Qingqing leaned against the wall, as if she had exhausted her strength, and sat down on the ground bit by bit.

"Zeyan, Zeyan."

She called him softly, but it was ugly. Her voice was really ugly.

The work had still not been settled, and the music score was still sinking into the sea, but her heart slowly calmed down, and after several rounds of trouble, Yi Zeyan still refused to agree to divorce. Lin Qingqing began to travel. She seemed to be running away from something and looking for some answer.

Yi Zeyan did not care about her. He let her travel if she wanted to. Apart from divorce, he did give her all the freedom she wanted.

Only several times when she was traveling outside, she saw Yi Zeyan's figure in the crowd, but when she looked at it carefully, she found that it was not him. She thought she might have gone crazy and had the illusion that he was following her.

Until that time when she went on a trip to the snow mountain, she saw him again in the crowd. At that time, they were a group of people climbing up the snow mountains. The weather was very bad and everyone walked very slowly.

Lin Qingqing thought she was hallucinating again, but she looked back several times and saw his familiar figure. In order to make sure, she deliberately fell down and let the people behind her go first. When he saw that she fell and finally could not hide, he quickly stepped forward and asked her. "Are you alright?"

"Why are you following me?"

"Snow mountain is dangerous." he said as if it was the right thing. "I’m not at ease."

He squatted down to help her rub her feet. "Did you twist your feet?"

She wanted to pull her foot out of his hand. He grasped it so tightly that she couldn't get it out. She didn't know why he was so stubborn and had to follow her to the snow mountain when he was so busy and there were so many things in the company.

Why wouldn't he let her go?

Lin Qingqing was furious at the moment, she avoided him for so many years, but he had been chasing her, she was tired and exhausted. She wished to rest, but he just wouldn’t let her stop.

She grabbed a handful of snow and hit him. Angrily, she shouted. "Go back quickly. Don't follow me anymore."

He took off his gloves and put his hand into her boots to rub her feet. Lin Qingqing struggled a few times but still couldn't get away. She grabbed the snowball and kept throwing it at him, but he didn't avoid it and let the snowball hit him.

She grabbed the snow from the ground at random and threw it at him. She didn't notice that she caught a stone, which hit him on the head when he bowed his head and rubbed her feet.

When she heard him groan, Lin Qingqing realized that it was a stone she had just thrown at him.

She saw that he seemed to be in a trance for a while, it was assumed that was a heavy blow. Then she saw blood flow out of the place she hit,  flowing down through his cheek, his chin, and quickly got into his blue jacket, and then frozen.

She was petrified by this scene, but he seemed to be alright. He helped her put on her boots, squatted down, and picked her up across the floor. She saw his blood dripping down his chin. She woke up like a dream and warned. "Yi Zeyan, you are bleeding."

He seemed to realize that he was hurt and looked down. He saw the blood on his body dripping on her clothes. He put her in a place where there were few people. He quickly used his sleeves to help her clean the clothes stained with blood. The blood had congealed and could not be wiped clean.

Rushing to her. “I’m sorry, I’ve stained your clothes, I will buy you a new one when I get back.”

She thought he was crazy. At this time, what he thought was that her clothes were stained by his blood and wanted to buy her a new one.

I’m sorry, I’ve stained your clothes

I’m sorry, the blood that spilled from the hit had stained your clothes.

Why was he like this? Yi Zeyan, why did an outstanding man like Yi Zeyan do this?

She felt both sad and angry with him. Pushing him away, she said with a cold tone. “You just go back for me, quickly go back, and stop following me.”

Whether it was because he saw her emotion stirred up, he urgently replied. “Okay, I’ll go.”

As he said this, he stood still for a while before he turned and left.

She watched the figure walk away, blowing by the cold wind mixed with snow, causing pain in her face.

He was such a fool. Why was he so stupid?

It seemed that she could not escape. No matter how she resisted, she could not escape the circle he had drawn for her. After walking a big circle, she still found herself in his circle.

She couldn't escape Yi Zeyan, and she couldn't escape her heart.

Unexpectedly, she had to admit that she had fallen in love with him.
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  1. Did no one think to send her to a therapist?! Good lord, self-destructing all over the place... I feel like I'm hitting my self when I read these flashback chapters... Ugh

    1. Hahaha ikr, i thinking about it all the time. Like when she being drug and have sex with him, if it me, i will traumatiz all the time. But it look no one took inisiatif to do that.

    2. they just think she is crazy.. instead of sending her to a therapist, I think they will send her to mental hospital? Poor Qingqing, ikr if it was me, I'll be traumatized for all of that to happen to me T_T

    3. Exactly.. she was a rape victim, and then getting pregnant without her will since she even remember to take the morning after pill, her bestfriend...boyfriend and her father had betrayed her, and then she might even have a light baby blue when suddenly his mother harassed her that way.. it might drive her into post partum depression.. but no one had ever thought to seek a therapist.
      It was really a big mistake...

  2. I still don't really understand how it could get to this state - surely her friends and sister should have been there for her and supported her, getting her to a therapist if nothing else. Talk about a downward spiral!
    I just want to read to the end of these flashbacks and be done with it.

    Anyway, thanks for the chapters! Stay safe!

    1. Maybe they afraid that Qingqing will be more agitated if she is send to therapist? Because Qingqing thinks that she is not sick..
      But, it still a full one 1 chapter for flashback, stay safe for you too!

  3. My tears won't stop. ㅠㅠ They've been through so much. Nobody thought that it was trauma?

    1. It's really a trauma, but she also can't open up to other people too..

  4. Tch I'm annoyed as hell ugh I'm so itching to slap some consciousness to her. To communicate, lady, is one of the reason we have mouth... And brain! God what's wrong with devious people I never get them

    Sorry I'm so triggered. It's just a story, I know :')
    Thank you for the translation! Xoxo

    1. I think it not her fault, she have it hard all the time and depress. Someone should bough her to therapist, but it look like no one have inisiatif to do that.

    2. She shut herself, and when she want to communicate, her MIL do that to her, even want to send to her to mental hospital.. I think that's her breakdown point..
      They will be better after the flashback, just wait~

  5. I agree with the other commenters they should've at least coaxed QingQing to see a therapist. this kind of depression she has could've lead her to commit suicide

    1. But who will? She already shut herself.. Zeyan can't approach her, and maybe her elder sister didn't know all of the situation in detail because she thinks Zeyan will protect her? I dunno..

  6. I hate a story a about misu derstandding, but this not, and i still hate this 😭😭 communication is a must in a relationship, please just speak your problem 😭😭

    1. but.. their relationship started from accident.. I think if it was me, I also will feel inferior and also insecure :(
      Hopefully they will be happy later!

  7. AahI was in tears the whole time... She's gone through so much, and I feel so much worse for Zeyan.. 😭😭😭

    1. Ikr T_T Zeyan wanted to get closer to her, while she was closed herself in her inferiority..

  8. bro this is so sad. wth she needed help not pampering. they both suffered a lot. including the child ☹️☹️

    1. i think the child is the one who suffered the most :(

  9. Anyway thank you for translate this novel 🙏

  10. Winterizing your car is important if you want it to continue to be reliable. snow brush

  11. her mental states were terrible. she even attempted self-harm but still yzy didn't take her to a therapist. he should've been firm with her for once to treat her mental state. she could even attempt suicide by this condition. but i really love this novel and wished it have an english translated version in physical book . i would love to re-read this story over and over

  12. This is really so sad. She is just self-destructing and also hurting her loved ones, too. So full of angst and yes I agree with everyone she should have had therapy...

    I really like how the author is explaining this. You really get to understand what they went through and could sympathize with the characters...

    Thanks for the hard work!

  13. I really misjudged Qingqing at the beginning. This is truly a broken woman. I couldn't understand why she never sought to regain her memories and easily got into a relationship despite knowing there were questionable things about her past. I thought it was a cop out to conveniently forget her Ill treatment of her child and bad behaviour. This was my frustration and I couldn't understand their happy family and couple routine in my head.I assumed everyone was hostile to her for a reason(esp mother-in-law). I was wrong.I get it now. Deep down she didn't want to remember. These were necessary chapters and the context was needed. She was on a road of self-destruction and the amnesia probably ironically saved her life.Her relationship with YZ is an unfortunate mess and lowkey unrealistic but...the magic of fiction will give them a happy ending at least.

  14. Everyone talking about therapy, but... therapy isn't that popular until recently here. Even I personally felt therapists are intruding. The very profession itself. That is why therapy isn't popular unless you had a situation where the hospital recommended you to it.

    For me, Zeyan is good that is why QQ fall for him. The fact that he anchored her also gratifying for me. Because even if Zeyan divorced her, with QQ mental state she might feel more down. She will belittle herself more like, as she deserved it, while subsconciously still tried to improve her standing to match him. That is more dangerous. Because without Zeyan supervision then I think she can easily spiralled out of control. Her music itself is tainted by her mindset at this timeline. She wanted to make achievement while at the same time doubting her ability. That is why it didn't work as well as right now. Where she is brimming with confident of her talent. Poor QQ. I wonder what is the accident that make her amnesiac though.

  15. If only they can see her depression and prioritized her mental health... I can see some realities here wherein therapy were uncommon before thus led misunderstandings.

  16. Im just glad that YZY did not let her be on her own. Coz if he did, its only a matter of time until she'll kill herself.


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